ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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