you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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