I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Boobs are out for the taking
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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