im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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