Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
