Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
