you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
