I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
