3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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