Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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