Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
