So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
