He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
