I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And then he peed in my hair
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