Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money

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(303): View more from Colorado

i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

Fav 43 2390 14612
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(727): View more from Florida

just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer

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(727): View more from Florida

I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It's gameday bitch. Man up.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.

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