This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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