i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
