Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
barbara walters just said penis...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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