You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
