Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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