So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
