you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
