lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
