I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
