No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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