with your own penis?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
