Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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