Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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