i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
