The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
