I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
