i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
