I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
