I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
