My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
