He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
