so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
