Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
