found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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