i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
