I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
