explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
