I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
