i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
