I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
