just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
