So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
