Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
