those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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