I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
