I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize