My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
