I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nutella sex= disaster
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
