um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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