My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
