Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
