we're blogging at a bar
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh god it's open bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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