who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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