Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
