My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
