Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
