Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
