dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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