Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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