i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize