She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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