it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
