new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
