Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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