Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
